Expectations

Yesterday evening it was ninety degrees inside before I even turned the stove top on. With three hands of bright blue flame making water boil and fish fry, the temperature rose steadily. The cat was stretched out like roadkill on the floor. I was slicker than a greased pig from sweat.

Ick. Ugh. Blech. That's pretty much how I felt. But there was a solution. The weather thus far hadn't been so bad, so we'd just left the windows open and dealt with little heat waves. But ninety degrees is my limit. Ninety-degrees in front of a hot stove = not happening.

So I went to switch on the air conditioning. The machine gave a start-up rumble. The fan started cranking. Air started moving through vents. I quickly closed all of the windows and went back to my cooking, knowing that in a few minutes everything would start to feel better.

Twenty minutes later, and the thermostat hadn't changed one tenth of a degree. I put my hand over the vent. The air was moving, alright, but it was warm air. Warm as the air outside, and full of icky humidity.

It completely wrecked my evening. I got snappy with my best friend and nearly broke a dish in frustration. All because I never got to cool off. I hate heat. It gives me a headache and makes me uncomfortable which makes me grumpy and a bit of a bear to be around. But none of that is any real excuse for bad behavior and a bad attitude.

The thing is, I have lived without central air for several years now. It was going to be a nice treat to have it this summer in my new place. I have cooked in ninety-plus conditions before without any trouble.

So what was the problem? My expectations. I expected to be able to cool down, so when I couldn't, I got mad. I was unsatisfied all evening. I would have been happier if I'd never even had the option of air conditioning to disappoint me.

How often do we let our expectations dictate our moods? When something doesn't happen as you think it should, you get angry, get grumpy, and act out. When things don't go as planned, our attitudes foul up to. Yet if we had had no plan, we wouldn't care.

Step back, take a deep breath, and readjust to the new situation. It is still a skill that I am learning. I have met few precious people who have mastered the art of taking disappointed expectations in stride. Scoop up the broken pieces, make a new plan, and move on.

After all, this is what God does for us all the time. We never live up to his desires for us. We never do things exactly as he wants. But he doesn't let us go, doesn't give up and send us away to wallow in our own failures. He stands by us, helps us pick up the pieces, and move forward. It's the story of life, from the beginning to the end of creation, we'll be learning to overcome failed expectations.

But if we don't, if we can't learn to take what we get and move on, if we wallow in what should have been, moaning about how the air conditioning won't work instead of moving on to new ways to stay cool, we'll be stuck a self-destructive cycle of misery. I don't want to live there.

So dear God, help me learn to endure the heat.