Okay, you know why I hate church and am ready to give up on the institution all together. Here are two big reasons why I feel the church is so empty. Both are examples of ways the church formally tries to connect people and build community, yet they all fall flat on their faces and leave me feeling more abandoned and alone than before.
First, handshakes. Just about every church has a time during the worship when they say to go around and greet everyone. You smile, shake hands, and say Hi to a bunch of people whose names you don't know and who don't expect any other response to 'how are you?" than 'Fine.' Granted, I've always hated that question because no one ever really wants to know the answer. But people at church ought to. If they ask 'how are you' they ought to have half an hour set aside to talk about how things aren't fine, or why they are so wonderfully fine for once.
Instead, people shake hands. Some people try to shake as many as possible, nod, smile, and mumble a greeting you can barely understand because they're moving on the to next before you can say Hi back. I know the faces of the people who sit around my normal space in the pew, but I don't know half of their names, I don't know what anyone does for a living, and I don't have any idea if they are actually 'fine' or not. They shake my hand and move on, and I am left wondering if anyone would ever take even an extra five minutes to talk to me. Because they all rush for the door when service is over, and I don't get a chance to follow up the handshake with an introduction later.
I hate handshakes. I'd rather have a conversation. Skip the meet and greet time, that's what the half-hour donuts (ew! please bring something besides donuts. I can't even stand the smell) and coffee (also ick) session between services is for. When people can sit around at their usual tables with their usual cliques and ignore the rest of the church around them.
Second, I hate name tags. I suppose this is trying to remedy part of the handshake problem. Every once in a while churches will get a bunch of name tags and ask everyone to wear one. Some like to plaster name tags on visitors, just to mark them for extra handshaking and empty how-are-yous.
I am from the non-name tag generation. No one my age ever wears one on the shirt, next to the face. I goes on the shirt hem or my thigh. If I even put one on. There is a problem with name tags, a huge one.
Knowing my name doesn't mean you know me. Memorizing the symbols that make up your name tell me nothing about who you are. There are hundreds, even thousands of people with the same name. A name means nothing. I couldn't care less if you know my name. The entire name tag thing merely generates a fake sense of community. Oh them, yeah the people I shook hands with last week, I know their names now, but I still don't know squat about them.
Take time to get to know me. Have a conversation. Learn what I like and dislike, why I am at church and what I need. Learn what makes me laugh and cry. Spend some time with me and look for the edges of the Spirit shinning through my human flesh. I'll do the same for you. I want to know what makes you tick, what brings you peace, what made you cry during worship last week. I might not be able to remember your name, but I know your face and the soul that goes along with it. The name will follow, if we get to know each other.
I'm not just another line in the church address book. I don't care what you call me. I care that you bother to call me at all, after church, during the week, to see how I am and talk about something that matters.
I hate name tags. They serve no purpose in church. High school reunions, sure. Church, no. Because if you need a name tag to learn my name, you've missed out on me, and you've missed the point.
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