Princess or fly?

I heard a song the other day on the radio that sums up a problem I often see in young women It's called Princes and Frogs by Superchik.

All princes start as frogs and all gentlemen as dogs
Just wait till its plain to see
What we're growing up to be
Cause Some frogs will still be frogs
And Some dogs will still be dogs
Some boys could become men
Just don't kiss us 'til then.

You hate men is what you say and I understand how you feel that way
All girls dream of a fairy tale
But what you've got's like a used car salesman
Trying to conceal what's wrong behind a smile and the song
And I'm not saying that boys are not like that
But I think you should know (you should)
That some of us will grow
Because. . . [CHORUS]

You found him is what you say
And we all want you to feel that way
But the frog you've got seems cute enough to kiss
And maybe frogs seem like that's all their is
But just because you haven't found your prince yet
Doesn't mean you're still not a princess
And what if if your prince comes riding in
While you're kissin' a frog what's he gonna think then
So look into his eyes
Are you a princess or a fly?

I have never understood why so many women allow themsevles to be flies. My first inclination is to blame the media.

I hate chick flicks, romantic movies that make it seem like life will be perfect as soon as you find the perfect person. They send a horrible message to young girls, a message that says you aren’t complete until you find your soul mate.

That is a big, fat, ugly lie that I see ruining women’s lives time and time again. So many girls think that they need a man. They wrap their lives around the idea of a romantic relationship and blind themselves to all else. There are even a few movies that speak to this fact, like Runaway Bride. The main character, played by Julia Roberts, kept leaving men at the altar because she knew deep down that she had really didn’t know herself. She took on aspects of her boyfriends lives and became the perfect woman for each of them, but she was never her own person.

As Walter told his mother in Secondhand Lions, “You always think a new boyfriend solves everything, but you always pick losers.” This movie was about a boy breaking free from the cycle of lies his mother fed him, a mother who went from man to man looking for happiness in romance and the idea of a strong protector and breadwinner.

Blaming chick flicks is too simplistic an answer. This idea is a myth created by our culture, a false ideal that has never, ever rang true for the majority of women. Even the fifties sitcom stay-at-home mom did not reflect the reality of the times. Most women worked, few women could actually stay home and be nothing but a homemaker and mother.

Women need to learn to stand on their own two feet, to be self sufficient and confident in their own strength before they even consider entering a romantic relationship with a man. If you don’t know who you are, like the Runaway Bride, an intimate relationship can damage your integrity and you find that you have slowly given away pieces of yourself.

I do not understand why women constantly do it. I have even heard modern women say that a good man only beats a woman when she deserves it.

WHAT? NONSENSE.

The fact that anyone believes this seriously disturbs me. There is never any excuse for a man to beat a woman. Yet it happens again and again. And you know what? It’s our fault, women’s fault. Yes, the guy is guilty, too, but it is women who allow them to do it. Abuse won’t stop until the abused stand up and say “Enough!” Men will not stop preying on weak women until women realize that they can stand alone, and live full, fulfilling lives without depending on any man.

Not that there aren’t great guys. Not that there aren’t great marriages. But a woman can’t tie her identity to a man, can’t submit her emotions and body for abuse. When she does, she tells him that she is worthless and should be treated as such. Is that the message you want to send?

Women allow bad men into their lives because they are desperate for a relationship. They start kissing frogs instead of waiting for the Prince.

Another song puts it, “You need that boy like a bowling ball dropped on your head, which means not at all.”

I don’t plan to wait for my prince. But I don’t plan to hit myself on the head with bowling balls, either. I plan to live my life for God and myself, and if a prince finds me, great. If not, fine. I would welcome romance, but I am also content alone because I know I am loved by God and highly valued in His kingdom.

Ladies, that goes for you, too. Romance is nice, but it can never fully fulfill, especially if you allow yourself to become a fly. You are loved by God. You are a Princess in the kingdom and God wants you to be his Bride.